I watched the Instagram Live by Andrew Gillum who was previously was running for Governor of Florida. He had a very public scandal some months back this year. Andrew stated he had to admit to himself how his failure to win the governor’s race and his inner private struggles with depression and alcoholism caught up with him. I was very inspired by his “aha moments” as Oprah Winfrey calls them in his very transparent Instagram live. His words resonated so much with me I am using it to start my very first blog.
We live a thing called real life y’all. Excuse my southern terms. That simply means you all. But I digress. But seriously, I do not care what position you have in life we all have our inner issues. Every last human being. Yes, that means you too. I will keep saying it from the rooftops and from the valley’s that therapy and self-work are critical. Every one won’t attend therapy but I highly encourage doing soul work. The ability to stay busy and looking the part means absolutely nothing when your soul is dying.
I can relate to what Andrew said about having battles with extreme sadness and depression. It can be so very debilitating if left untreated. We should not think because we see people in leadership roles or see high performers that we think that they may not be battling depression. For years, I wrestled with I thought was what my mom called “being moody”. I now know it was depression. I would just cry and just want to lay in a dark room in the bed and listen to slow jams and just be left alone.
Later in life as I started attending therapy, my therapist recommended medications for me after we had tried so many other methods to deal with my anxiety and post traumatic stress disorder. However, because I am a clinician I had this complex that said, “oh, I am strong and others need medications and not me.” I had to dismiss that false narrative. I had this superwoman complex and ego because I was use to being the helper.
My mom passed May 13, 2020, and I was beyond depressed, irritable, and anxious. I could not muster through the keep pushing mantra anymore. Many African-American women I know can relate to always hearing “just be strong.” That topic is a blog all by itself. However, I had reached my pinnacle of mental exhaustion and could not live up to “being strong”. I had to consult close friends and other clinicians to help me think things through. One clinician I spoke with shared her personal struggle with anxiety. Another clinician shared her struggle with depression. I finally had to come to terms with my entire self as Andrew Gillum said he had to do as well. I finally had to say medication is just a helping aide and it doesn’t diminish or take anything away from me. I had to face inner thoughts and narratives that told me I was weak and not strong. All those foreboding thoughts were just lies. I had to constantly affirm myself and be kind to myself with my words.
The message I am attempting to convey is that the “Helper Needs Help Too”. We can not extend the best authentic help to others if we are not fully well and present with ourselves. We must soul search and be gut level honest and admit when we need help. PeriodT! The End!
Tarinna Olley Blog
7/30/2020